i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
