I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
