writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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