haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
