If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
