yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
