You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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