make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
