if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
