a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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