Can i not drive my cunt home
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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