Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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