I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
