My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
