My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
