I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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