I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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