Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
