i permit you to call me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
