I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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