Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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