it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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