Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
