My nipple is on Facebook.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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