HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
