did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
