im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
