I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need water and some morals
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
