you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
