I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
