no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
