I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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