i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize