nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize