she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
