OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
