Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize