I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
