im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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