I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
