That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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