You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
