please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
