it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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