And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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