omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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