Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
