8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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