you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
