i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize