i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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