just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Verdict: uncircumcised.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
