This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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