How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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