Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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