Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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