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I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
