You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
