Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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