i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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