yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
