im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
