worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
