i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
