he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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