All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
