You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
