you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
