is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize