I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
