When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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