Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
