Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
