I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
